Beginning

After a little bit of debate, I've decided to try to write again. For myself, that is.

I definitely feel like each time I've endeavored to take on a semi-regular project of writing, I'm at a distinctly different place in my life with significant shifts in some of my thinking. It is for that reason that I decided to create a new journal, to demarcate the latest installment of my thoughts.

I'll cover a few administrative things that I feel are important for anyone who actually feels compelled to read anything I write here.

First and foremost, the purpose of why I write. I write to express myself. I've always found that putting my thoughts down in words helps me to understand a lot of the things that are going through my mind. Also, I feel like it keeps my sharper. When I go on spurts where I don't write anything, I find my vocabulary condenses, my grammar goes to shit, and in general I often just can't find the words to communicate with other people effectively. It's a constant battle to try and write. I hate my writing, I hate feeling exposed, I hate feeling like an egomaniac thinking that anyone actually wants to hear anything I have to say, and I hate feeling like I have to filter out the content of what I say, which inevitably always happens. Nevertheless, I've spent a lot of time writing to myself in some form or another since I was about 15, obviously with a big change in content, but it's just something that's helped bring me some peace of mind.

Having said that, it logically follows then that my writing is very personal. Ever since a class I took on Gandhi, I've grown quite fond of the idea of trying to eliminate the space between the private and public spheres of my life. What that entails for me is trying to remove the filter that's applied when I write knowing that there is a potential audience. It might seem counter-intuitive to try and post private ideas in a space where privacy is almost guaranteed to be destroyed (the internet), but that's the point. Ownership and accountability for the things I write seems to be the end goal. It's always been my belief that if something is too personal or too embarrassing to let others know, then it's probably not something I should be proud of privately either.

The consequence of this is that my writing is often the place where you will find me most vulnerable and exposed. As a result, I don't always like to talk about the things I write about. I don't take myself too seriously. This is the one venue where I am willing to commit to being serious and unfiltered. To that end, I do take my writing seriously more times than not, and you will see me talking about things and looking at things from an angle that I otherwise would probably never approach things from. Sometimes, it's just too close and I don't like feeling so exposed. So that might help explain why these posts often can't be reconciled with other actions.

On to content.

I'm sure you're questioning what the title "the daily douche" means. Simply put, two of my buddies joking opined how they wished I would start some sort of column or blog, mostly a product of my frequent angry ranting and general disdain for human beings. While I unfortunately will not be able to live up to their wishes in dedicating this spot exclusively to verbally assaulting people, I thought the title was somewhat appropriate and somewhat catchy.

As to what I will be writing about, this will entail a variety of things. Usually, there's simply things on my mind that I feel like hashing out by writing about it. But I also would like to encourage anybody who wants to engage me in conversation or confrontation to pose any questions or topics you would like to see me address. For the most part, I am committed to dealing with any question or topic, regardless of how personal or uncomfortable it might be. There will be some discretion, but those of you who know me well know that I don't have a whole lot of discretion to begin with. You can leave a comment here or e-mail me at chin.ryant@gmail.com.

I will try to keep things from being too preachy, but I can't make any promises. And despite the name, I will most likely not come anywhere even remotely close to writing daily. With all that said, let the douching begin.